I Sometimes Read Books Slowly

I've been reading a book called "A Failure of Nerve" for the past year or so.  I do, of course, have a reason why it has taken so long for me to finish.  Well, reason(s).  First, I've been in seminary and reading thousands of pages that were required each quarter.  And secondly, it is a book thick in content upon which much reflection is required.  It isn't necessary for me to state that I finished many other books during this same time that were not required for school.  And that this is a common experience for me.  The point is, I have been slow in reading this book.

That being said, there is an incredible richness to this book that challenges the current societal environment of high anxiety, lack of self-differentiation, and an inordinate reliance upon on data that cripples our ability to make decisions just to name some of the areas that the author, Edwin Friedman, touches upon.  If you are a parent, teacher, leader, family member, friend, essentially everyone, you should read this book. Or at least watch this video that summarizes it. (Approx. 7 min)

What struck me today as I was reading was this quote:

To the extent one focuses solely on how painful a situation is, there is no way to judge whether things are getting worse or really improving, fundamentally. Despite the fact that things seems to be getting worse, that is, more toxic, the entire system also may be adapting for the better.  To recognize that fact can also help keep anxiety down (pp. 156-7).

The context of this is found in Friedman's discussion of a leader's (business, familial, religious) ability to evaluate the progress that an organization or group of individuals are making based upon how they "deal with their pain."  Thus, the anxiety that he speaks of is concerned with the anxiety that the leader may feel when working with these individuals or organizations who are going through stressful and difficult situations.  In other words, if a leader measures improvement based upon the pain that the other feels or experiences, thus More Pain = Worse and Less Pain = Better, a clear understanding of the process that is taking place will be skewed. 

As leaders in families, churches, businesses, organizations, and even friendship groups, we oftentimes feel the pressure to "make things better."  We, at times, want to remove the situations and causes of anxiety, stress,  and pain.  We want to stop the pain of loss, calm the crying child in the store, offer a more favorable picture of the future than what one truly sees, and the likes.  We think that pain and suffering is bad.  However, as Friedman points out, oftentimes this pain and the appearance of "things getting worse" can actually point to to a system, or person, adapting for the better.

True change and growth is stretching and it hurts.

As leaders, we must be aware of this internal drive "to make things better" or restore peace simply for the sake of resolving tension or easing pain.  Our job as leaders is not to change everyone's circumstances or take away all difficulty.

As individuals who experience difficulty and pain, whatever the cause may be, we must not judge our present feelings as being indicative of the "goodness" or "badness" of our situation.  It is often at the times of heightened tension and pain that the greatest transformation occurs.  

In closing, Friedman provides some characteristics that help one deal with difficulty:

1. Less reactive
2. More contained
3. Less blaming
4. More imaginative
5. Less anxious
6. More responsible for self
7. Less responsible for the feelings of others
8. More accountable
9. Receive suggestions for change well
10. Treat those who help as coaches and not saviors
11. Emphasize strength over weakness

Maybe this is a little of what we see modeled in the life of Jesus as the author of Hebrews says:

During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.  (Hebrew 5:7-9)

blogging

So I think I should blog more.

We Are What We Desire

I've been doing some really good reading this quarter so far.  I started out with Desiring the Kingdom by James K.A. Smith.  It was a great read.  Smith argues that the we are primarily people of desire, not necessarily intellect or the mind.  That what drives us, Smith says, are those things that we love or desire most deeply.  In other places, he says that we are driven by our image of the "good life" or what it is looks like for "humanity to thrive."  Whatever this image is, whatever we desire the most, is going to be what motivates us at human beings.  


This is of great importance because, like all religions and belief systems, Christianity seeks to see transformation take place in those who are followers. In the Christian faith, the end goal is to become authentic worshippers of God and grow to live, think, love, and desire more like Jesus modeled for us.  


However, the problem that Smith lays out is that the current culture that we live in is much more effective in shaping our desires and loves than the Church is.  He uses the mall for example.  As we enter into the mall, we are surrounded by images that continually paint the picture of what life is supposed to look like.  I am to look like the models in the windows of Banana Republic or J. Crew and my (future) spouse is to look like a Victoria Secret model.  And my (future) children should most likely look and dress like the kids in the ads in front of Baby Gap.  We are pulled into believing that these images are what we are to pursue, what it looks like for us to truly be human.  Creating desires in us that can only be met by rummaging through the racks of each store to find the perfect item that will somehow take us one step closer to what we truly desire: the good life.


Smith continues with his example from the mall.  Many of us, though we wouldn't admit it, walk through the mall with a running scorecard as well.  As we have seen these pictures of how life should be, we then begin to compare ourselves to those whom we walk by.  The scorecard of attractiveness, fitness, fashion, and the like are tallied unconsciously throughout the night so that we leave either feeling better about ourselves or worse, depending on our ranking in the end.


Smith's intention is not to rail against the mall or even consumerism (there are many who have happily done that.)  What he wants to make clear is that there are many institutions and practices that we engage in that are not neutral.  Where we go and what we do shape our desires and our loves.  As a people who at the deepest level are creatures of love and desire, we must not only be aware, but work to counteract this.


Herein lies the problem.




The Church, of course, do not agree with what the mall, for example, portrays as what is essential and vital to the "good life."  What the mall tells us we should love and desire most deeply is not compatible with what the Christian faith tells us that we should love and desire most.  In Matthew 13:34-35, Jesus tells the story of a man who found a treasure in a field.  When he found this treasure, he sold everything he had to buy this field, so that he could have this treasure.  The second story in these verses speaks of a buyer of pearls, who when encountering the greatest pearl he had every seen, sold all of his belongings to buy this one pearl.  Jesus wants to communicate that we should desire the kingdom of heaven like this.


Throughout Jesus' life and ministry, he showed us pictures of what the kingdom of heaven looked like, what the "good life" looked like.  It looked live loving your neighbor as yourself, forgiving others as you have been forgiven.  It looked the last being first, and the poor no longer hungry.  The good life was when people shared what they had with others in need.  Jesus created in the people around him a hunger and desire, a longing for the life that he lived, that he exuded.  He created a desire in the people around him for the kingdom that he preached and modeled to those whom he came into contact.


One might think that the Church has followed the example that Jesus set in being instruments of "desire-change."  However, we have not been.  


Recently, I heard a sermon given that did an excellent job of describing how the "world" thinks, how the world communicates its message to us, and how we buy into it. The preacher painted a great picture of what it looks like when we live self-centered, me-centered lives.  However, when it came to the way that we should live our lives differently, how our lives should look with different desires and loves, the preacher told the audience to put God first and trust that he would take care of us.


Hmm...


While the preacher did a great job of displaying the desires and loves that were contrary to the way a follower of Jesus lives, we were given something to intellectually ascend to and something to believe.  We were to believe that God was worthy of being more important than our own desires and that we didn't need to be self-centered.  


These are true statements.


However, the sermon did nothing to create in me a desire or longing for what the preacher was communicating.  The world paints a clear picture of what my life should look like, what I should desire, what I should love, what I should long for.  It has no problem communicating to me that my life falls short of what is truly thriving.  It is done through media images, sounds, rituals (going to the mall),literature, and all forms of desire-shaping means.  These appeal to not just my intellect, but my desire, my loves, my image of the good life.


A call to put God first and to trust that he will take care of me does not.  


Smith argues that, we as the Church, must be intentional about being a place where our practices - songs, sermons, liturgies, etc. - shape our desires.


So what do you think? What are some of the ways that the Church can be a place that shapes the desires of those who are a part of it?