Wanted to Share A Poem

I'm reading a text for my masters and came across this poem...


Earth is crammed with heaven
And every common bush afire with God;
But only he who sees takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.

-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Morning

The sun is coming up. The hope of a new day. Breakfast. Morning. The beams of sunlight starting to drench all of God’s creation. The coolness of night being displaced by the warmth of the sun. There is hope. There is life. There is new creation. There was life and beauty the whole time in the darkness of night. It was there. Resting. The purple flowers. They were there. Containing the gentle fragrance that is activated in the warmth of the sun. Morning. To be at peace as the day begins. To have time to reflect. Gain perspective on the day. The world is not out to get me. I have You. You found me. You sought me. You have asked if You could protect me. Bless me. Guard me. Keep me. Give me joy. You desired me. You desire me. So in this morning, I am blessed. By Your warmth that clears the fog and ice crystals from my heart. By Your grace that I am held in. Held under the waterfall of your grace and kindness until every part of me is drenched in the unearned, undeserved, but lavishly gifted, love of my Father, my Creator. Morning. How I love the warm embrace of Your sun. How I delight in Your rest. Peace. A new day has come. The sun is coming up.

(This was written as an exercise in class. It came from reflecting on a picture of an English cottage with a beautiful garden with purple flowers. The sun is in the process of painting everything in light. I will post the picture when I find it.)

So It's Been a While

I haven't written in quite some time. That's rather sad actually... disappointing even. I enjoy writing. Especially when I can just write in my flow of thought. Which can be quite random at times.

So I'm going back to school starting in the middle of September. Ashland Theological Seminary. I know, right? Some of you are probably thinking that it is about time. I completely disagree. Up to this point, I really had no desire to go to seminary. In the time since college, I have contemplated many several career paths. Lawyer, financial planner, teacher, youth pastor, young adult pastor, church planter... Heck, I even thought about taking over my dad's business!

But here I am.

Seminary.

For those of you not familiar, no, I am not going to be a priest. It is simply graduate school for ministers/pastors. But it is certainly a big step in the direction of occupational ministry. I'm not exactly sure what that looks like. I mean, I know what ministry looks like. I just don't know what direction I want to move in.

I was really challenged at the this festival called Breathe down in Columbus. It's put on by Joshua House, the twenty-something community of the Columbus Vineyard. Thirteen of us from our Tues. night Bible study group went down. But while I was there, I went to a breakout session for church planters. In it, I heard Jay Pathak, a pastor of the Vineyard church out in Arvada, Colorado, talk about his experience planting a church. And what type of person it takes to plant a church. And I was so challenged but something deep in my heart really wanted to be like that. To have a consistency to the level that I share Jesus with people. The hope of being restored to God, not on our good deeds, but because Jesus restored our lives by his life and death. To consistently lead people who don't know Jesus to knowing Jesus. And to then disciple them. And then raise them up as leaders, walking in the shape and character and calling that they were created for. This to me sounds like the most exciting of lives. Truly. That is what I want.

I'm not sure if I am going to plant a church. But I am sure that I want this faith of mine, this all encompassing relationship with God that I have to begin to make more of a difference in the world that I call my life. Not necessarily at this point making disciples of all nations. Maybe just living out authentic faith in front of those that call me friend, co-worker, employee, brother, son, and uncle.

So I'm going to Ashland Seminary starting in September. Don't have the job situation figured out yet. I'm going full-time in October. Working part-time. Yet I am sure of this, "that I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

Journeying with God has its ways of stretching you. Stretching you in ways that you never would have thought that you could be. But as it begins to happen, at least for me, I come to realize that this is what I have been asking for. This uncomfortable, unfamiliar place is leading me to what I have always wanted. I can say that I feel like I am becoming more of the man that God has shaped me to be. And I am happy with that.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. - Lamentations 3:22

Another Panera Morning

(One of a few uncompleted blog posts. I finally posted this on 1.11.11)

You ever hear something; small like a whisper but clear enough and loud enough to know with certainty what you've heard?

I did this morning. I heard the word "fire."

1 Kings 19

Elijah Flees to Sinai

¹ When Ahab got home, he told Jezebel everything Elijah had done, including the way he had killed all the prophets of Baal. ² So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: “May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them.”

³ Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. ⁴ Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.”

⁵ Then he lay down and slept under the broom tree. But as he was sleeping, an angel touched him and told him, “Get up and eat!” ⁶ He looked around and there beside his head was some bread baked on hot stones and a jar of water! So he ate and drank and lay down again.

⁷ Then the angel of the Lord came again and touched him and said, “Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you.”

⁸ So he got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights to Mount Sinai,^{a]" style="line-height: 0.5em;">[a]} the mountain of God. ⁹ There he came to a cave, where he spent the night.

The Lord Speaks to Elijah

But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

¹⁰ Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”

¹¹ “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. ¹² And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.

And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

The Chiropractor

chiropractic |ˌkīrəˈpraktik|nouna system of complementary medicine based on the diagnosis and manipulative treatment misalignments of the joints, esp. those of the spinal column, which are held to cause other disorders by affecting the nerves, muscles, and organs.
So as I was typing the title, I suddenly realized I was unsure of the spelling of said word. So I highlighted it, held Control and clicked on it. I then chose Look up in Dictionary. And the above definition came up. It doesn't have a real significant meaning. That's not why I included it with this entry.
What is important is that my back has really been bothering me, and I feel that I am on the road to recovery. Mostly because someone who knows more than I AND can do something about it is now working on the problem. It's amazing how that no longer is an issue that worries me. I feel like I have put it Dr. Colvin's hands and I am golden. As I left his office today, I felt like I was walking taller, standing straighter, and overall feeling more optimistic. I find it intriguing how so many factors play into how I feel. Physical, emotional, relational, spiritual, and all the other "-al's.
In other news, I am just finishing up my essay questions for seminary in the fall. I'm pretty excited but also a bit nervous. I honestly don't think it has hit me yet that in a few short months I will be in school again for an unspecified amount of time. I had a friend recently ask me if I really wanted to spend 7 years going to grad school part time. I had honestly never thought about that. 144 hours. Each class an average of 4 hours. This is 36 classes roughly. They are on quarters. If I go to school for four quarters, two classes a quarter, I will finish in 4 1/2 years. This is the end of 2013. If I take a quarter off every now and again, this extends even further. Hmm... So we will see. We will see.
I'm sure it will hit me when I realize that the amount of free time I used to have was enormous compared to what I will have this fall. Margin. Add more to life. Add margin. Take classes. Margin. Seminary. Margin.
Somehow this must fit together.
Somehow.

An Old Pro

Sometimes I forget that God is an old pro at watching over and helping guide my life.

I am a firm believer that I can choose to do my own thing, apart from the wisdom and counsel of His Spirit.

Maybe too much so.

Or maybe I don't take seriously enough the depth of which He understands me and is still able to draw me back to going the right direction.

I miss details.

He doesn't.

What is the verse in Matthew? Something about He sees every sparrow that falls from the sky, has every hair on my head numbered; do I really think He is going to forget something even if I do?

But what if He just lets me forget?

What if I just totally miss something? Then what?

And then I reflect. I reflect on all the times that I missed a step in the journey of life, the times where I forgot to do something or had a poor attitude or simply skipped passed an opportunity to show someone love. You know what?

It has always worked out.

Maybe not perfectly. Maybe not, well certainly not, the way I thought it would have. But the key for me is this:

The world did not end.

Nope. Sure didn't.

And the journey continues.

A Day

Do you ever have one of those days that at the end you think, "This is the day the Lord has made, but I certainly made it stressful."

Slowing down is a foreign concept to me I think. I envy those of you who can stop at any time and take it all in. That has to be a conscious decision for me. And once I make the decision to slow down, even that is a process. I think that is why I enjoy writing and blogging. It let's me just let everything out of my mind that I have been stressing out about. I am realizing though that I place most of the stress on myself. It really isn't external at all.

Margin.

It is a magic word. One that I first read about concisely in a devotional by Rick Warren. There is a Purpose Drive Life Devotional e-mail that I get everyday. It was in there. I find it humorous how one minute I can be reading one author, then the next minute another author who would probably have never imagined they would be read by the same person. Ahh well.

But margin. I think it means giving yourself intentional space. Intentional space. That is such a strange concept. I guess I figure there is always something that I should be doing. Something that I put off from earlier (and that is very likely the case).

But I was listening to a message by Jonathan Rue from the Columbus Vineyard about wasting time on Jesus. That life is about relationships. It's about God. It's about people. And our priorities should align around that. So if something else gets undone because I am just laying on my bed talking to God, that's okay. If I have clothes that need put away but I have not slowed down all day, maybe I should go lay in my hammock and chill out. If I have the choice when people are over to listen to their story or just talk, that would probably be a better idea than making sure each dish is cleaned in the sink. Seriously.

So that's what I want. To know how to rest. To have margin. And to just sit at Jesus' feet and listen. Not thinking about what else I have to do. To just hear His voice and the wisdom that is so incredible. Have you noticed how smart God is? Incredible. Or how nice He is? I mean really. He surprises me each time I screw up. So kind. When I can feel Him (and I know that sounds weird to some of you) and the peace that comes that I don't have all the answers to life. And that's actually really exciting.

Margin.

It allows me to have time to Think. Process. Pray. Worship. Rest.

And now all I need to do is implement it....

Just Getting Home

I went up to the Indians game tonight. They were playing the Red Sox. I got a pretty sweet deal on these tickets because it is early in the season. Andy, Ben, and my brother, Justin, went up with me as well. We grabbed some dinner at Flannery's, my pre-game favorite. It's an Irish Pub right by the Q and Progressive Field. Had some Irish boxty. Excellent.

Well as you can see I am just getting home from a 7:05 pm game. It went into extra innings and completed around 11:00 pm. The Indians lost. Good times though but long day. No spinning class for me in the morning. 5:30 am will come way to early, so if I move that time to say 6:30-6:45 then it will come later. Not 5:30, because it comes at the same time... at 5:30 am. But the time I need to wake up. That I can change.

I am rambling and I am signing off. Good night.

An Evening of Events

(This is one of many incomplete blogs that I finally posted on 1.11.11)

Recently I attended Joshua House, the twenty-something community of the Columbus Vineyard. It was a good time. I always love going down there. They don't have everything together just like none of us do. They don't do everything right, just like no church does, but it is a good place. Did I mention I always enjoy going down there. I think the word is relaxing or recharging. It might not even be the place. Maybe it's just a place where I get lost in the sea of 700 young adults. That's kind of nice sometimes. But...

I have to be honest. This blog really isn't about that night, though it was a good time. God very much spoke truths into my heart and the guy that prayed with me up front was really genuine. I have no idea what his name his but he was a good dude.

But the revelation

The Segway Into Blogging

So a funny thought ran through my head as I started to type my first blog here. And it goes like this...

"How will anyone know that I even have a blog here?"

"And who will read it?"

"Do I have to self-promote myself?"

"Do I blog so that someone will read it or would that completely destroy the illusion of being a freethinker just putting my thoughts out there?"

I feel that by someone simply reading the above questions, you have a small insight into my soul. My psyche. My humanity. My created-ness. And by reading the pass few statements you have learned that I like words. I do. Words are a good time.

I'm not exactly sure what this blog is for except for a good place for me to unwind. And by unwind I don't mean at the end of a rough day. I mean I am coming to grips with the fact that I can be a pretty tightly wound. In all areas of life really. Religion. Relationships. R.... I don't have any more R words but I could say life in general. Not much give. Not much flexibility.

But that is changing. Well, yeah, it is changing. Slowly. But that's a good pace. I know when I try to unwind Christmas lights, the faster I try to go the more knots I create. Patience is the key to unwinding a set of Christmas lights from the previous year. I suppose that unwinding a person is very similar. Jesus would be a great one to help me with unwinding Christmas lights.

"Slow down. Rome wasn't built in a day."

My response would be, "But You spoke and things appeared."

And God's response might be, "Well you aren't me."

That's fair. I mean, that's a fair response on God's part. I'm not Him. I don't need to try to get everything done today, especially trying to unwind and untie all the knots in me. And because God wants us to learn and to be transformed through process, so that it's lasting, He takes His time with us, with me.

Have you ever noticed, for those of you who grew up in church or leading in a church, how easy it is to turn something about you into a more inclusive statement. Re-read the previous paragraph. That last sentence turned into "us" from "me." Bamm! No, Matt, at this point in time, it is about you and your journey. Not our journey. Once again, fair enough. These are the conversations that I have with God and myself. Sometimes just with myself. Sometimes just with God.

Well I'm done. Peace out.