Living A Better Story

What kind of story do I want to live? Good question. I can honestly say that most of my life has been spent pondering this question. What do I want life to look like? How should I - -as the main character of my story -- look, act, feel, and dress? What kind of friends and what kind of job should I have to make this a really great story? A great story worth reading. So for the past 20 years or so the creation of a story that is seemingly worth others reading has been my story. And what I’ve realized is that the more time I spend taking the trails that others have gone, following the paths of those whose stories seem quite adventurous and fulfilling, I feel less and less like me. I was constantly trying to implement into my life what I admired in the lives of others, hoping that I could create this amazingly beautiful story worth living. It has created this hodgepodge of pseudo interests, halfhearted pursuits, and sometimes empty relationships. So there has been this stream of my story that has been filled with fleeting fulfillment in which I live out portions of others’ stories, too afraid to dream about my own.

But there has been this other parallel stream that has flowed in my life, in my real story. It has been the ongoing story of God. Now mind you, most of the time I have amnesia about this truth. But I catch glimpses of this storyline in my life as I have seemingly chance encounters with individuals who become close friends, experience community in unexpected places, and sense God’s hand guiding my life in inexplicable ways. It is in these moments where I feel very small and God feels big that I get a sense of where my story fits and where I am going. Last week, I had one of those moments outside of my favorite coffee shop in Clintonville. I didn’t need to keep looking around to everyone else’s story longingly, hoping that my story could look something like that, trying to implement what has brought joy and significance to them. No. The God of the Universe, who has shaped and formed me, has invited me to His story, to play a really cool part. One that has real significance and meaning. It can seem so much bigger than me, God so much more vital to the story than I, and this is all actually true. But what brings wonder and joy to me is that while I don’t have to be the glue that holds everything together, or the ultimate overarching story in this world, God has really been shaping and forming this story which is more authentic and fulfilling to me than I could have ever created by my own collage of others’ stories. This in no way takes my involvement out of the story writing. I have to jump on board with the story of God, follow its direction, and understand my part in it. But this looks much more like living in real community, loving the people that are in my life, and being thankful for what I have in the present. I want to live a life that is constantly aware of God’s overarching story and my intersecting with that. This is where it gets exciting. So I am choosing to live in the “sacrament of the moment,” where it all matters and all counts. I have vision and goals for my life, but the future must never control my present so much that I cannot be fully alive in the now.

I feel that the Living A Better Story Seminar would greatly benefit me as it would allow me to set aside a few days to hear from Donald Miller and others concerning how one becomes more intentional about the living of one’s story. This would also give me time to reflect more deeply on my current story. So often, I don’t take the time to think specifically about the direction that I am headed. I sort of just go from one thing to the next with a vague sense of purpose and aim. I would love the opportunity for a few days of interrupted time to learn more about this idea of living a better story and how it can shape my life towards a greater sense of adventure and meaning. I would like to hear about how we are to balance being a part of a bigger story (God’s) and yet making decisions for this story that we are living. I would also like to hear about and think more deeply about the challenges to taking risks and what keeps us from doing that.

Living A Better Story Seminar

Living a Better Story Seminar from All Things Converge Podcast on Vimeo.

Through Painted Deserts

I just finished reading Donald Miller's book "Through Painted Deserts." What an enjoyable read. It is the story of a road trip he took back in the 90's, sometime after high school. Miller is a really incredible storyteller. I think this is what drew me to this book and what kept me in it with anticipation. He invites you into the journey so that you feel as if you are traveling with Paul and himself in their '71 VW Minibus. But what makes it such a great read is the transparency of Miller's thoughts and their progression throughout the trip. I could certainly relate to the wonderings and questions he asked throughout the book concerning the why's of life and the world. Donald Miller let's you look into his mind and heart as he processes through his insecurity, admiration, fears, joys, and faith.

What has it changed in my thinking? I'm not sure except that some of my thoughts aren't that weird or strange. There are other people that analyze life and relationships as I do. There are others that ask questions like me. No one is as neat and tidy as we want to appear on the outside. That relationships are what really matter in this life. The people you love. Your family. your friends. Those that invite you into their lives. To appreciate simplicity and again realizing that TV commercials, movies, ads, and most of what we seem to pursue as important really has no real value. What other people think about us, what group or category we may seem to relate to the most. None of it really matters.

I want to close with an excerpt from the "Through Painted Deserts":

"... I will sleep beneath the stars and whisper thank you to the Creator of the universe, as a way of reacquainting myself to an old friend, a friend who says you don't have to be smart or good-looking or religious or anything; you just have to cling to Him, to love Him, need Him, listen to His story."

Back to Life in Columbus

(This is one of many incomplete blog postings that I finally posted on 1.11.11

So I just got back from two weeks in Costa Rica and Nicaragua on Tues, well Weds morning at 1:30 am. What an incredible time! The people that I went with are amazing individuals. Eleven of us from Joshua House/Vineyard Columbus left on June 15th and arrived the 30th. I only knew three individuals very well on the team before this trip. After two weeks everyone now feels like family.

It was truly amazing all the mishaps that we experienced down there: sickness, missed ferries, broken luggage racks, broken down vans (twice), scorpion bites, and flight delays in Atlanta (twice) just to name a few. Oh I almost forgot the 15 hour van ride to a location that was 7 hours away. But through it all we laughed, joked, smiled, drank horchata, prayed, cried, and worshiped together. A thought was shared at one of our last meetings that joy would be the strength of our team. This was the absolute truth. In the midst of difficulties, there was never a shortage of laughter, joking, and joy!

But it wouldn't be at all accurate to leave you with a sense that the trip was just difficult! All of those things listed above seem like small parts of our journey. For these two weeks, I experienced community and family with 10 other amazing people. To see their hearts for God and love for people was amazing. We all had our own strengths and made unique contributions to the team. Some were exceptionally hard workers, others made it impossible to be discouraged no matter what, some had smiles that lit up your day, while others you knew were constantly praying for the team. It was the body of Christ in action.

And man, we were active. In two weeks, we were able to play with little kids at an orphanage/school for a day, paint a Christian ministry that reached at risk kids, do yard work, lay brick for a medical clinic, paint schools, have a party for 250 kids and parents, pray with many individuals, including two who we know that God healed physically and emotionally. We formed community with the leaders of the Vineyard Palmares in Costa Rica. What an incredible group of individuals who are passionate about people meeting Jesus and furthering the kingdom of God through planting churches.

I could tell so many stories but let me leave with two things that I learned from this trip.

1. The Kingdom of God is best experienced and furthered in and through community.
- This was a lesson that I had been learning through the new community that I have met in Columbus since January, but this really solidified on this trip. What an amazing experience of acceptance and encouragement to be surrounded by people who you have not know for very long, but who have faith in you as an individual. It is great to know that the people that you are serving next to are truly committed to the mission of the kingdom but also committed to relationship with you. It makes any difficulty or experience not only bearable but enjoyable. This is truly the best way to understand what it is to be part of the family of God. This is also the best way to show the kingdom of God to others. Let me see the love that you have for each other. And when you are discouraged, you have a family that is there to support you and encourage you, reminding you of the reason that you are doing all of this!

2. The need for God is truly universal, the hope that he offers is universally relevant, and He is already at work throughout the world. On this trip, I felt that my eyes were open to the needs of a people who had very little on the island of Ometepe, Nicaragua. They were very poor, lived in cramped spaces, and had nothing of what we would comfort "comfort."

A Sunday Afternoon

(One of a few blogs that I never completed. I finally posted it on 1.11.11)

Today is Sunday. A new day. A new week. Simply new.

I'm leaving for Costa Rica on Tues afternoon which is pretty cool, and I found myself having a few extra minutes this afternoon between watching the World Cup, making a poor cup of coffee, and J-House

John Wimber & Diet Coke

So this isn't really a blog post as much as something interesting that I just read. When people would ask John Wimber if he would spend hours in fasting and prayer before he taught or prayed for people, he would answer that he "drank a Diet Coke." He was arguing that he was no more spiritual than anyone else, that we all have the Holy Spirit working in us, and thus God didn't use him because he was so spiritual but because of who Jesus is and what he has called Christians to be and to do as He gives His Spirit to them.

I love that. So accessible. God has not created a caste system in the Christian faith in which there are those who are the spiritually "elite", the "middle class" of those who are pretty good and can make some difference in the world, and the poor, or those who are just on the margins of the faith. No caste system. Equally ground before the cross. Same God working in all of us. That is encouraging.

(Information from The Quest for the Radical Middle by Bill Jackson)

The Holy Reversal

From Thomas Oden's The Word of Life, speaking of Christ becoming fully human:

"As a person he went through "the various stages of his life." Each step, however, constituted a unique reversal of ordinary expectations and a consequent liberation: 'He determined to be poor... All the things which men unrighteously desired to possess, he did without and so made them of no account. All the things which men sought to avoid and so deviated from the search for truth, he endured and so robbed them of their power over us.' Accordingly he "refused to be a king, " did not marry, "bore with insults," and while "They thought a cross the most shameful form of death: He was crucified'" (Augustine, OTR XVI, p. 26-28).

Man. Jesus made these things of no account. All those things which we pursue as holding ultimate satisfaction and those things that we avoid because we believe cause irreparable damage. He said, "Let me show you that these hold no power." Jesus did just come to show us who God is but he came to show us what it is to be fully human.

Thoughts?

I am the Elder Son

I am the elder son.

In the Bible, the story of the prodigal son is found in Luke 15:11-32. In this story, there are two sons. The younger son asks for his share of the inheritance before his father has died. This may not seem like a large issue, as the giving of inheritances are often done preemptive to avoid large tax bills. This is not the case in this story. No tax laws spoken of. For the younger son to ask for his inheritance early is the same as wishing that his father were dead. The father complies and gives his younger son his half of the inheritance. The young son, being the idiot that he is, blows all his money on partying and women. As would be expected, once his money is exhausted so are his friends' interests in him. He gets a minimum wage job on a farm, where he realizes that he living much worse than that of living at home in the comfort of his father's provision.

He begins his journey home, all the while devising a plan to convince his father to take him back as a servant. He probably wasn't desiring to stay as a servant, maybe just long enough to get in his father's good graces again. Penitence and all. The father, who really should be the main character in this story, sees his son from far off. He is overwhelmed with joy and runs to meet him. When the father makes it to his wearied and weathered son, he throws his arms around him and embraces him and kisses him. He is overcome with emotion. The son tries his planned speech but his father will have none of it. No son of his will be a servant. He puts on him the best clothes and a ring, which signified his sonship, and threw him a huge party.

Great story.

Except this is where I come in.

I am the older son.

The older son has been working hard in the field. He didn't leave his father. He couldn't imagine doing that to his father. He wouldn't leave him high and dry like his younger brother. That wasn't an option. His work load had actually increased since his irresponsible and lazy brother had left. Who did his brother think he was? Didn't he know how much it hurt his father when he asked for his inheritance early and then left? Doesn't he think of other people's feeling?

No.

The older son would never do that.

He couldn't.

Someone had to do the right thing.

This was his lot in life.

Do the right thing.

(And secretly wonder what it would be like to not care and do whatever he wanted.)

But that was not an option.

I am the older son.

So the older son returns home from working in the fields, managing and supervising his father's servants. It had been a long day. Hot. Some days he wanted to leave it all, but that wasn't an option. He was the obedient son. He was the faithful one. And then he hears music. Wow. He works all day then someone throws a party which he wasn't invited to. Not that it was completely surprising. He wasn't always the most fun to be around. He struggled with just letting go and having a good time.

The music. What was the reason for the celebration?

He called for his personal servant. He would know what was going on. He couldn't believe what his servant was saying. His younger brother was home. He finally came back. The older brother knew that it was only time before he came back. He always got into trouble and needed help getting out. So dependent on others. Why couldn't he just figure out how to live without always needing help. Asking for the inheritance early. Why didn't he just save up or work hard like the older brother? And now coming back home. If he wanted to come home so badly, he should have got a good job, saved up, and then paid the father back for the inheritance. You should never come back empty handed. Especially after the stunt that his younger brother pulled.

But his father. How could he! How could he throw a party for this irresponsible kid! How dare he show a positive response to him! Wouldn't that only stand to encourage his younger brother to do something awful like this again. Daddy will always clean up your messes. The older brother knew that the secret to his life was to do as little as possible that required the help of others. He didn't want to depend on others. He knew that if he did what was right, stayed around, worked hard, was faithful, didn't do anything to cause his father's disapproval, then maybe he would finally feel accepted and worthwhile. He just had to keep going. Keep trying to be better. Be more faithful. Work harder. Grow the father's business. Increase productivity. Manage the father's possessions with greater care than his own. But not the younger son. He thought of nothing like this. It wouldn't have entered his mind to serve his father or put others before himself. Never.

He decided that he couldn't, he wouldn't enter this party. It was the principle of it. He didn't want to show approval of what his brother did. And if he celebrated his return, that might show the younger brother that it wasn't a big deal what he did. And it was a big deal. The older brother thought that maybe he could go into the party but only if he went straight to his younger brother and told him off. Yes. That would be the best response, BUT people would think quite poorly of the older brother if he did that. He couldn't risk his family, friends, and servants see him angry and bitter.

No.

That wouldn't do.

The best decision was to stay outside of the party. Maybe everyone would think that he was still working.

Yes.

That was the solution.

Save face and remain angry, bitter, and judgmental outside of the party. He would have the opportunity to tell his father and brother what he thought about this whole thing.

But he would not have that option. The father heard that the son was back from the fields and was refusing to enter the party.

"Son, please. Please come in and celebrate your brother's return!"

"Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!" (Luke 15:28-30, The Message)

I am the older son.

I have stayed. I have always stayed.

I have been faithful. Mostly.

I have served the Father. I have sought to be obedient in (almost) every way. I always thought of others feelings (and sometimes how those feelings would affect me.) I was always conscious of how I would make my Father look if I acted certain ways. I didn't want people to be disillusioned about my Father by my actions and words (or reject me.) My life has been one of pleasing. Everybody. If I could just do everything right, make everything right, fix everything and everybody, then life would be good. Then I would be accepted. Then I would be loved. Then all in the world would be right.

I have never understood those who do whatever they want to, seemingly without a care for others. Others' feelings. Others' acceptance. Don't they care about being looked upon well? How could they risk all of that? Success. Approval. Acceptance. Failure. Condemnation. Rejection.

It is painful to attempt to do everything right. To make everyone happy. To please everyone. To not live your life to meet your own needs all the time. To live with this belief that somehow you are missing out. That something is missing. But you are doing everything right. Or at least trying to.

Then a party is thrown for the rebellious and arrogant younger brother. I get no party. I get responsibilities. Duties. Tasks. Praise for faithfulness to that which seems lifeless. Praise for being consistent. Praise for serving others. For putting others first. Inside, I was, and sometimes still am, bitter that I have played life safe thinking that I needed to in order to be approved and not rejected.

Evidently this isn't true. Because my younger brother is being celebrated and showered with love, acceptance, approval, affirmation without having been successful or productive or even faithful.

Something in this equation is wrong.

I am the older son.

Where's my party?

My Father says, "Son. My beloved son. Everything I have has always been yours! In my heart, in my mind, and even in my eyes, you are always with me. I haven't gone anywhere. I am always accessible to you. And I would have given you anything that was mine for you to celebrate and enjoy with your friends. I have never wanted your time at home with me to be restrictive. My heart is for you live life to the fullest. This will always be your home and you have always been loved by me. You are my son. Period. Nothing you do or don't do will change that. Haven't I proven that by how I am loving and celebrating your brother? You are accepted. You are approved. You belong. Rest in knowing that I love you!"

And this is the part that I really love about the father in the story and our Heavenly Father.

He doesn't let the older son or me remain in my self-centered bitter upheaval. He doesn't cancel the party so that he can continue to encourage me and love me. I need to believe the words that He has said to me. I need to trust Him. For He is still overwhelmed with excitement and extravagant love for the younger son and this party for His son must go on!

"...but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!" (Luke 15:31-32, The Message)

I am the older son.

But I am beginning to embrace the Father's words to me. I cannot earn his love, acceptance, or approval. I don't have to live in the fear of failing Him. My older brother, Jesus, lived a perfect life and did everything so that my failures would no longer count against me. There has always been so much love and life for me to receive from simply being with my Father and believing the all that He has said to me and done for me.

I choose to believe. And receive.

The Father's unconditional love and acceptance of me.

"God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love." (1 John 4:17-18. The Message)

Providence...And I don't mean Rhode Island

(Partially completed blog post that I never posted. Finally posted on 1.11.11)

I'll be honest. I don't know the exact theological definition of providence. I would imagine it depends on what paradigm you are coming from. I see providence as the hand of God guiding one's life. This isn't something that is forced or that one cannot avoid. It is the sense that God's hand is on one's life and he is "setting you up." That's my take at least. We don't have to respond to this guiding and "opening doors" if you will.

I look at my life and journey over the past year and a half or so and I clearly see God at work. Pieces of my life that I would have never thought worked together, did. I am in seminary on a scholarship that pushed me to go full-time. I'm living in C

Hope.

Am I the only one who, at times, finds more honest encouragement from songs not written by "Christian" musicians but by those who don't know Christ? There are certainly songs written about hope by Christian artists, but oftentimes they don't touch the deep places in our hearts. Is it that we feel like, as Christians, we can't touch the deepest places inside of us because we aren't supposed to feel those feelings? I am just wondering. I realize that people could give me scores of Christian songs that they have found hope in. I am simply saying, that at times, there seems to be a deeper honesty in music that is not written by followers of Christ. This doesn't come from a pent up frustration towards Christian music. It simply comes out of my reflection of listening to music the last 10-15 minutes. But there have been other 10-15 minutes intervals that have informed this thought as well... Any thoughts?