tensions of the seasons

i'm interested in the use of the analogy of the seasons i.e. spring, summer, fall, winter to our lives. i think i have been for a while. i'm a forward thinker. i don't sit around much and think just about the here and now. i need to have a sense that i am moving forward. that where i am is not where i will be.

and so.
the analogy of seasons has continual movement.
and purpose. it is easy(er) to go through winter when you know that the apparent death is only serving to bring future life. so this makes one feel better. it makes me feel better. but i wonder. as a follower of Jesus, i like to think that God is guiding and shaping my life in ways that I am unaware of. but what does this idea do to me? could it be that it allows us to cop-out a bit from being intentional in our decisions and actions?

i mean, if God is working behind the scenes then I am tempted to think that it doesn't matter as much what I am doing in front of the curtain. But it does matter.

The difference I think between the stories of our lives and the seasons in nature is that one has been set in place by God and it functions without a "will" or "decision" to go through these times. the change in the leaves will happen. the tree does not will it. it does not submit to it. it will happen.

is this how life is? will my life move in the direction that God desires it to be set in, no matter how I respond? what role do I play? and if it is, what does this deterministic view do to our motivation? and if it is not true, do I still live my life in this way?

i think i wrestle between believing it is all up to me or none of it is. i'll be honest. this is where I usually live.

seasons. i believe that it helps us think through imagery that gives us handholds to our current location. but it is not that clear. or simple. and like the Hebrew slaves in their wanderings out of Egypt, their season of being in the desert lasted 40 years. oy.

so the challenge is this: i must position myself to experience what God is doing in my life now. i must not shrink back. i must not sit on my laurels. my obligation is to obey and position myself to encounter God in his all the ways that he reveals himself, with all of the attributes that God is.

what do you think?